Here’s a question you probably haven’t thought about a lot: What happens when you forget to give someone a birthday card? Or even if you get it to them late? My colleagues Michal Hodor, Liat Eldor and I decided to find out.

Yes, we know this is quirky. Yes, you should know that no taxpayer or other funds supported this study. And yes, there is a serious point behind it. The underlying question is: How trivial do issues have to be and still affect employee behavior, and ultimately, HR?

When a ‘minor’ slight becomes a risk for HR

Here’s the situation: An employer has a policy of giving every employee a card on their birthday along with a modest gift card. Your supervisor has to hand the card to you and wish you a happy birthday. The not particularly subtle idea here is to do a little something nice for you and give your supervisor credit for doing it. You might be unhappy if you were expecting it and it came late, but would you just ignore it?

It turns out this is a question with a long lineage going back to ancient Greece and the topic of insults. Aristotle notes that insults are a kind of belittlement that happens when we do not give someone proper regard—or, as we might say today, we don’t show them proper respect. We use the term “insult” and “insulting” for all kinds of behavior that could be degrading, illegal, bullying and even invasions of countries, but the appropriate use is for something pretty minor. Think of this as an issue of manners. The advice is just to ignore it, have a thick skin, don’t take it personally and so forth.

Getting a birthday card late fits this minor category. It happens often enough that greeting card companies all seem to have a special section for “belated birthday cards,” and these cards generally make light of the situation. But how do people actually react?

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